Your New Diehard Fan

Right…

Jones — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 09:05:41 +0000

Just so that I don’t end up being burned in effigy, let’s just clear something up. A link to this blog was posted in the Fiver yesterday. I got 2,000-odd hits in an hour. But it isn’t all good news, so just a word to some of those Liverpool ‘fans’ that need a little help…

READ THE EMAIL I SENT, YEAH? THEN LOOK AT THE NAME OF THE BLOG. SEE ANY IRONY THERE AT ALL? IRONY? NO?

Deary deary me, a sense of humour never hurt anyone.

Hoop dreams

Jones — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 12:48:59 +0000

I played basketball a little in school. I had no game. I could dribble, but that’s more to do with the extensive orthodontal work I underwent to correct the ‘Chucky from Rugrats’ look I was rocking. Ho ho ho. But I used to watch it on Channel 4, around the end of the Michael Jordan days, and the beginning of the Kobe era. Just thinking about some of the names that time conjures makes me nostalgic: Kobe, Mike, Shaq, Sir Charles, Allen Iverson…

I don’t think any of them ever considered a move to Worcester Wolves, who are currently 10th in the British Basketball League. But perhaps they should, because while US basketball is currently mired in gun, drug and sexual assault scandals, Worcester Wolves have a lovely chap called Dave Smith working for them, who sent me this email:

Re: I could be your new biggest fan!
To: Richard Jones

Hi Richie,
Interesting e-mail! May I ask you where you live?

Being a fan of a BBL basketball team usually involves coming to most of the home games …

What do you know about basketball? Have you ever been to a game?

I look forward to hearing from you and then we can ‘talk’ some more.

Cheers

Dave Smith
Worcester Wolves Basketball Club

Pretty sweet. So I duly replied. I don’t know what it is about this endeavour that makes me write emails like a slightly demented geek, but hey ho:

Hi David!

Thanks for your reply! I live in London at the moment, and used to follow NBA when i was younger, and played basketball in school, so i know a little. But i really want to get away from football, which is oversubscribed as a sport anyway, and focus my sporting attention on a more deserving recipient – are Worcester Wolves a team i can get behind?

Thanks,

Richie

I know, I know – too many exclamation marks, not enough capitalisation. But it evidently didn’t freak him out too much, because he replied again!!!!!!!

Hi Richie,

Of course we are!

Do you have transport? Could you get to games?

You will find our fixtures on our website.

I could add you to my e-mail list so you would get a newsletter each week.

You could also get to know two other websites:- www.bbl.org.uk (which is our league website) and www.pawprint75.co.uk (a long standing basketball ‘e-zine’); then, if you are into forums, the main one we use is www.whatsbev.com

… scroll down & click on ‘BBL’, then you will find a General area and one for each team.
Cheers

Dave Smith
Worcester Wolves Basketball Club

You know, in the age of the ‘blow me, f**kwad’ style of email, nice, polite people like Dave are even more special. And I have to say, we have a new frontrunner in the race to be my new favourite team. Not that it’s a race, per se. More of a three day eventing kind of vibe. Is equestrianism a team sport? I might email them if so. Can someone let me know, yay or nay. YAY OR NAY! I’M ON FIYAAAA!!!

Holla.

ICE (hockey) ICE (hockey) BABY! That’s UK Ice Hockey…

Jones — Mon, 18 Jan 2010 13:45:37 +0000

So the bandwagon is well and truly rolling…or should that be skating? I’ve had a couple of really nice emails from Nottingham Panthers in the Elite League, and Swindon Wildcats in the Premier League.

The first thing I’ve learned about ice hockey is that big cats make incongruously popular team names. Surely penguins, polar bears and mammoths would be more appropriate? But seeing as I come from a team whose mascot is a fictional bird, I’ll shut up. Here are the emails – Nottingham Panthers first up:

Re: I could be your new diehard fan!
To: Richard Jones

Hi Richie,

Welcome, looking forward to seeing you at a game in the near future.

Kindest Regards,

Nicola Strachan
Community Officer
Nottingham Panthers Ltd

Ok, so they’re busy over there – they’re second in the Elite league, so i’ll excuse them the short email for now. Next we have the Swindon Wildcats:

Re: I could be your new biggest fan!‏
To: Richard Jones

Hi Richie,

thanks for your email!
It made me smile!
Have you been to the ice hockey before?
We would be happy to have you as our fan.

Kind regards

Julia

That’s nice! I’m making people smile. Hear that Tom Hicks Jr? I really need to rise above the negative. This is a new start, let’s not sully it.

Peace.

NFL has love for me!

Jones — Sun, 17 Jan 2010 11:13:58 +0000

So I have my first replies, from the NFL teams the Buffalo Bills and the Houston Texans. Pretty prosaic at this point, but they didn’t tell me to blow myself, or call me a f**kwad, so they’re one up on LFC…

RE: I could be your new biggest fan!‏
To: ‘Richard Jones’

Richie,

We would gladly take you in as a fan! You sound as though you would be a great addition to the Buffalo Bills Network. If you are interested in season tickets or individual tickets please stay in contact with the ticket office at 1-877-228-4257. Any further questions feel free to contact us during normal business hours. We look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Amber R.

Buffalo Bills

Customer Relations

That’s nice! Then I go this one from down south:

RE: I could be your new biggest fan!‏
To: ‘Richard Jones’

Dear Richie,

Thank you for your email and support of the Houston Texans! We are thrilled that you are looking for a team to support and are considering cheering for the Houston Texans. Our mission is to create and maintain the most respected and most valuable professional sports franchise in the world. The team is also very dedicated to community outreach initiatives and programs. We hope you choose to cheer for us and look forward to hearing from you. Thank you and have a great day!

GO TEXANS!

I’m loving the enthusiasm there. They are certainly the frontrunners by default, check them out here:

http://www.buffalobills.com/

http://www.houstontexans.com/index.html

I’m working on some kind of framework by which to make my final decision, so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

GO ME!!!

I’m a diehard fan for hire…

Jones — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 13:30:23 +0000

So, I’m utterly fed up with Liverpool FC, and by extension football. So I quit. I’m no longer a Liverpool fan. But I love sport, and I need to direct the energy somewhere, so I’ve come up with an idea.

Basically, I’ve been emailing teams in other sports around the world, explaining my plight, my (perhaps exaggerated) qualities as a fan, and asking if they would like me to support their team. Now I’m sitting back and waiting for replies. Here is what I sent out:

Subject: I could be your new diehard fan!‏
From: Richard Jones
Sent: 13 January 2010 12:34:11

Greetings,

My name is Richie, and I humbly offer my services as your newest diehard fan.

Allow me to explain. I have been a fan of Liverpool Football Club since I was old enough to know what football was. I have loved the team and the club every day since. Until now. I have been concerned for some time about the takeover of the club by Tom Hicks and George Gillett, and the declining performances of the team under manager Rafael Benitez. This week, in the wake of an abusive email to a fellow supporter by Tom Hicks Jr, a member of the board, and the extra time capitulation to Reading in the FA Cup, i’ve finally given up on Liverpool FC, and am hereby tendering my resignation as a fan. While some part of me will always love the club, I resent being seen as a cash cow by the club, who have loaded LFC with debt, to the detriment of the team.

Therefore, being done with both LFC and football, I am on the lookout for another team to love – and you could be it. I have many good qualities:

I’m loyal (provided you don’t sell out to a bunch of cowboys and consistently trample on my dreams with scorn and impunity).
I’m articulate – I prefer to rebuff opposition fans through wit, and therefore defuse trouble, rather than cause it, and act as a sophisticated representative of the team.
I’m keen – I bring much enthusiasm to my role as fan.
I buy lots of merchandise, no matter how gaudy (I have both the ecru and canary yellow LFC away strips – that’s loyalty).
I’m on the rebound.

So what do you say? I’m casting my net wide, so why should I be your new biggest fan? Think about it – you won’t regret having a fan like me.

Kind regards,

Richie

So there you have it. After it went I worried I sounded slightly psychotic, but it’s too late now. So far I’ve sent this to all the teams in UK basketball, ice hockey, rugby and cricket. In the states, i’ve sent it to the NFL and Major League Baseball. Over the coming days it will be going to the NHL, NBA, Aussie Rules, Kabbadi, and whatever other teams I can find – as I said in the email, I’m casting the net wide.

Remember – LFC brought this on themselves. They didn’t know what they had when they had me, and now I’m gone! Now it’s their turn to cry!